Thoughts on Turning 32

March 18, 2023

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Blurry photo of my birthday celebrations (at a bar at 4:30 so we can be home for bedtime with the kids)

Here are my bullet points from reflecting on year 31 of life:

  • I’m looking forward to finding my way back? forward? After motherhood wreaked havoc on my identity (I’d say it was the two under two that did it – like any good martyr – but I think this is just a part of becoming a mother no matter what).
  • I’ve spent the last year dipping my toe into working on my shit and I’m ready to jump in fully. 32 seems like it’s about time for this (then I remember that age really is just a number and I don’t buy into those “30 things you should have by 30” type of lists). Either way, therapy has helped me learn some much needed life skills. 10/10 would recommend.
  • Speaking of age being just a number, this is one of the biggest lessons wrapped up into motherhood that I’ve learned. I suppose that’s what happens when you sometimes feel like a child that doesn’t know anything while simultaneously caring for two sick babies of your own and trying not to lose your shit mid-tantrum. This lesson was a bit of a pill to swallow for this never ending list-maker. There’s never enough time, the stack of pots on the back burner is about the tumble, and I’m no where near where I planned to be by age 32. And so the goal number for all these lists is scratched and instead reads “hopefully before I die”. And I’m good with that.
  • As a self proclaimed introvert I’ve always needed alone time to recharge my batteries. And while I still love doing things alone, I’m starting to realize I’ve underestimated how much social gatherings fill up my cup. I offer deep gratitude to my friends and family for this. Thank you to everyone who has had coffees, long talks over dinners, gone on walks, or been the hosts of fun parties. The effort does not go unnoticed and I hope I can always reciprocate the love.
  • Trying to live in alignment with your values is hard. But knowing your values and coming back to them is a good place to start (takes some time and effort, just fyi). And I’m pretty sure progress and contradiction go hand in hand, so I’m trying not to be too hard on myself when I fumble. However, when I do make a choice that aligns with my core values I can feel it in my soul, and it. is. good.
  • You know the question “If you could have any super power what would it be?” My answer has always been the ability to freeze time. As I turn 32 I realize the appeal of this super power isn’t because I want to avoid growing old, but because I am truly enjoying the journey, and just wish I could savor it a bit more. I’m not sold on the idea that one lifetime is enough, but ask me again in 50 years. Happy birthday to me – thanks for the love!

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